Donestock Store

Yesterday and today has been a test for my daughter and myself. She is being tested to learn the formalities of the Japanese culture which can be extremely tough to master. When I first came to Japan in 1993, I went through the same problem, but I was already an adult, so I could logically know when or when not to do something. It does appear that as my daughter is but 6 years old, and the majority of her formative experiences were in America, she does not respond well to some aspects of Japanese culture. Take for example responding to someone when they call your name out. In the U.S. the kids usually ignore their parents then come running in the room to see what is up. In Japan, children are taught to respect the authority of elders, and to say yes immediately after someone calls for them. Well, in our little home here in Japan, this has been two full days of debate over why my daughter refuses to acknowledge her elders, and why she will not apologize for her misdeed. Now, of course I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, because, as an American in essence, sometimes, when I feel I am right, I wish not to apologize meaninglessly for fear of lowering myself in front of others. In the end, Japanese culture has overtaken me, and now I apologize profusely for sometimes small and insignificant matters, lowering my head in shame. But, I do realize that for my daughter, this is a true test of her American half and her Japanese half. It is hard, but we often have to change ourselves to fit into the local culture, particularly in Japan, where you only really get one chance. Now, my daughter sits moping around like the world has ended, and I do not even know what to say to her. Maybe I will talk to her later when her mom and grandmother are not around, so that I can put some context into what they are demanding of her. The lesson here my friends, and I think this applies to Northwest Queens, where there are so many immigrant families. We all, as a community, must work together to raise our children in our morays and habits. If not for us, than for them, so that they will be able to adjust to our way of life and find success just a little bit easier in the future. It is hard, and as much as we like to isolate ourselves among our fellow country persons in our world, to build that cohesiveness, it is vital that all of us work double-time to draw in our new immigrants and show them our ways, and they can show us their ways, and we try to help them learn that, if they pick up some of the good habits, ignore the bad ones, and add some of their own good habits from their old country, we can grow a community which is stronger and more enduring, so that 100 years from now, people will remember the efforts by our generation to create more of a big family rather than some nebulous area on a political map. This work starts at the earliest ages, and parents, teachers and community elders much create a level field through aggressive outreach to make this more of reality than an ideal.